Sunday, February 21, 2010

OK, I just had to post this...

Someone sent me this awhile ago and I just happened to find it...

December 8th — It started snowing at six in the evening—the first of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift snow over the area. It was beautiful.

December 9th We awoke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape— what a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful mantle. I shoveled for the first time in years and loved it. I did both our driveway and sidewalk. Later, the plow came along and covered the sidewalk up with snow from the street. so I cleaned them again.

December 12th — The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Oh well. I’m sure we will get some more before the enjoyable winter is over.

December 13th — It snowed eight inches last night and the temp dropped to twenty degrees belów zero. Shoveled the driveway and the sidewalk again and the snowplow came by and did it’s trick again..

December 15th — Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer so I can drive in the snow: also bought snow tires for the wife’s car.

December 16th — Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway: all that was hurt was my feelings.

December 19th — Still cold, and icy roads make for rough driving.

December 20th — Had another fourteen inches of the white **** last night: more shoveling in store for me today: the damn plow came by twice.

December 22nd — We are assured of a white Christmas because thirteen more inches of white **** fell today: and with this freezing weather it won’t melt until August. Got all dressed up (boots. jumpsuit, heavy jacket. scarf. ear muffs, gloves. etc.) to go out and shovel, had two shots of brandy. then I got the urge to pee.

December 24th — If I ever catch the son-of-a-***** that drives that snowplow I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street 100mph and throws snow all over what used to be my lawn.

December 25th — Merry Christmas! They predict another twenty inches of the ****ing white stuff tonight. Do they know how many shovels full of snow twenty inches is? To hell with Santa: he doesn’t have to shovel the white ****. The snowplow driver came by asking for a donation. I hit him on the head with my shovel.

December 26th — We got twenty-eight inches and then some. I must be going snow blind or have a severe case of cabin fever, because the wife is beginning to look really good to me.

December 27th — The toilet froze. If you go outside. don’t eat the yellow snow.

December 28th — I set fire to the house: now that white **** won’t cling to the roof.


Debra said...

Oh My! That really made me LOL! We can relate!!

Finegan Antiques said...

That is hysterical. I laughed so hard tears were running down my checks. I can totally relate to the snow plow. Besides throwing the snow back on our drive way the idiot has taken out three, that's right, three mail boxes since December!!! Enough already. I surrender.


PS More snow predicted for tonight. I'll probably loose yet another mail box.